Analyze This Dream!
Every once in a while I have a dream that’s more interesting than “I was eating a ton of miso soup. That’s it.” If it’s not too incriminating, I think I’ll share it here and let you lot analyze it for me. Saves me money on a shrink.
Okay – here’s last night’s:
I was flying somewhere to meet up with my dad and stepmom for some sort of vacation. It was an almost empty plane, and I was in first class, which is automatically weird. I wasn’t given my destination, so I was a bit stressed out.
A woman came into first class, joining me and some little kid who was sitting next to me. She told us both that we were not going on vacation, we were, in fact, going to Iraq on a “special mission.” I told her I didn’t believe her, when a map appeared in front of me, Indiana Jones style. And sure enough, the dotted line quickly showed us landing in Frankfurt, then taking off again and landing in Rome, then scooting us right over to Iraq – which in the dream was where Greece should be, but was shaped exactly like the real Iraq.
Dream-me being dream-me, I shrugged and said “I accept the mission.” We went to a really nice mansion, where a bunch of white folks were getting ready for a fancy party. I was given a designer outfit that consisted of high boots, a short flouncy skirt with pockets, a low top and two jackets.
All the other operatives were loading their guns with serious ammo. My handler gave me two really sharp huge hunting knives and told me to stick them in the pockets of my skirt and only bring them out when the others started shooting.
When we all got to the party (at a fancy “Old Arabie” style tent), it occurred to me that I was literally bringing knives to a gun fight. I spent the party trying to keep the knives from ripping through the lining of my skirt pockets while acting nonchalant and charming.
That’s it. What do you suppose is wrong with me?
Things I’ll Probably Do In 2009
I’m old enough by now to have figured out that I’ll never learn discipline. And hey! That’s something! So in lieu of resolutions, this year I’m making a list of not-so-great things I’ll probably do in the next 365 days.
1) Spend three hours playing online poker during the time allotted to working on my screenplay.
2) Take a weekend trip that I can’t afford. And charge it.
3) Read the third and fourth Twilight books.
4) Tell someone “I don’t smoke” while smoking a cigarette.
5) Slouch.
6) Drink too much whiskey and start saying things that make my friends look at me funny forever after.
7) Respond to “I assume you’re an actress” with some elaborate lie about being groomed to take over my dying father’s horse ranch.
8 ) Try to climb something, forgetting I’m feeble, and injure myself or faint.
9) Change philosophies with dramatic confidence in my newest epiphany every two to three days.
10) Fall in love with someone horrible.
So I guess my New Year’s Resolution is…to give up resolutions. I’m okay. You’re okay.
Happy 2009!
